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Why I Hesitated to Write This
I don’t know what to say, guys. The phrase “healing journey” has become so common that it sometimes triggers eye rolls. I get it. But I hope what I share here feels genuine, not because I have answers you don’t, but because it might resonate with something deep and true within you.
Childhood Lessons from a Mirror
I was a daycare kid from about one and a half years old. Much of my early guidance came from the films they played for us, stories meant to entertain, but also to shape us. One that stuck with me was Snow White. I became fascinated with the idea of talking to a mirror.
Unlike the queen, I wasn’t seeking vanity. I was seeking the truth. I’d look into the mirror and beg for a real conversation. That ritual shaped me. It became a quiet place where I could ask questions no one else seemed to answer.
The Breaking Point at Nineteen
At nineteen, I was escaping myself through drugs and alcohol. Repressed childhood traumas deeply violated a body that didn’t even remember but lived it out in survival mode nonetheless. After another sexual assault at a concert, just on the verge of womanhood, I ended up in the emergency dentistry unit in the basement of a hospital. They worked on my face, securing my teeth into braces. I felt abandoned. It was a mirror of what was happening to me, but I didn’t know it. I had stopped looking for the truth in there.
Somehow, I stumbled upon an actual mirror. I looked into it again, searching for the truth I remembered seeking. Despite the bruises, scratches, and stitches, I saw my blue eyes and blonde hair, and I smiled. “You are not that broken,” I told myself. I was shocked. High on survival. Maybe still feeling the effects of mushrooms. But I remember that moment vividly.
Only hours later, the trauma came flooding back in my sleep. I was haunted by the awareness that I had gone deep into darkness and nearly lost my life.
The Mirror Speaks Again
Back at my apartment, I stood in front of the mirror again. This time, the voice was different:
“You are so broken. You deserve a broken face. A broken smile.”
It was like a decades-long dialogue:
You’re not broken. You are broken. You’re not broken. You are broken.
From Repression to Expression
This book—SHOW BOOK—is my healing journey. It started in childhood, and it’s no longer repressed. I identify as a wounded healer. My education in healing comes from my own trauma, not just textbooks or training.
As a trauma-informed therapist with over 20 years of experience, I’ve applied what I’ve learned in sessions. But more importantly, I’ve made those lessons self-helpful. Because the truth is: trauma fractures your trust with yourself more than with anyone else.
And even as a therapist, I know I can’t give you that trust back. Healing doesn’t happen just because you show up to therapy. Some people come in and out. Some avoid it altogether. And for many, the healing journey never begins.
An Invitation to Begin
I don’t want that to happen to you. Whether you embrace this or roll your eyes, what I’m presenting is real. It’s an invitation for your own healing journey. One that starts not with perfection, but with a mirror. And a conversation with yourself that is a real look into the mirror of understanding for your own truth.
